Italy was preparing itself for the upcoming world cup. It was a nice, sunny day at the Azzurri preparation camp.

At exactly 05:00 am, Francesco Totti was admiring the schedule he made for himself yesterday before sleeping.

 

 

1-     Say bonjorno to Lippi, and take our daily schedule from him.

2-     Hit the shower and spend some time in the steam bath.

3-     Drop by Oddo's to fix my hair

4-     Tease Gattuso just to see the look on his face

5-     Have a cup of cappuccino

 

The phone of the room rang and Fra picked it up.

"Bonjorno ….. no, Simone (Perrotta) is out now ….. ok, I'll tell him,"

Totti hung the phone, took a pen from his bedside table and added to the list.

 

6-     Tell Simone that his mother called

 

Totti smiled at the paper for a second and then stood up and got out of the room, heading straight for Lippi's office, where he drinks his coffee every day.

 

 

"Francesco is coming …. I saw him in the corridor," Lippi's assistant said as he came into the office, closing the door behind him.

"Oooh," Lippi sighed, slamming a hand on his forehead.

He was really tired and hot this morning. All he needed was a little time of peace, and Francesco, being the thickhead that he is, will certainly not give him that.

 

 

Gilardino has just come out of the bathroom happily, after having a refreshing, cold shower. Someone else was there, he could hear the rushof the water in the far corner shower cubicle. It might be Luca, he thought and started dressing up.

 

 

By this time, Francesco had bothered lippi enough with plenty of dump jokes that the other no longer wanted to see his face.

 

"You better get out, Francesco," Lippi said threateningly, which highly amused Totti, who was setting opposite him on the office chair.

"Are you kicking me out?" Fra said and laughed dimly at himself for no reason as he stood from his chair.

"Yes," Lippi said. He almost threw his coffee cup at his face as he took a sip.

Totti, heedless, went to the door. "Can I take the daily schedule?" he asked, remembering his list and smiling.

"No, the assistant took it to hang it on the notice board," Lippi said, without looking up from the paper he was writing on.

"Oh, ok," Fra said, thinking that he should add 'checking the daily schedule' on his list now. "Do you have a copy of it here?" he asked again.

"No, I only have one copy, which is mine," Lippi said, trying hard to concentrate on his work.

"Can I make a copy of it?" Fra said, insisting.

"No," Lippi said, a little angrily this time.

"But the photocopy machine is here," Totti said pointing at the machine at the corner of the room and not noticing Lippi's tone.

"No,"

"Just a copy?"

"No,"

Totti stood by the door for a second, all he was thinking of was that he didn't want to have to go to check the schedule because he had a lot to do.

"Ok, do we have training this morning?"

"No," Lippi answered without even listening.

"Ok," Fra said, satisfied and went out of the office to accomplish his to-do list.

Morning training sessions usually start at 7 am. None for today, so they only have an afternoon session which probably starts at 3. Until then, he has plenty of time to check the schedule.

Lippi gave a HUGE sigh, as the door to his office closed, and continued his work.

 

 

After dressing up quickly in his sport cloths, Gila walked out heading for his and Toni's room, thinking that he would wait for him and then they could both go down to the canteen.

 

"Hey, Gila," someone called from behind.

Gila stopped in the corridor and turned to look behind him. It was Lippi, poking his head from his office as though hiding from someone.

"Is everyone up yet?" Lippi asked, coming out of the office and walking to Gila.

"I don’t know, I just came out of the bathrooms," Alberto said.

"Ok, then, go on and tell the others to make haste, lad. There is a training session at 7, ok?" Lippi said, giving Gila a pat on the shoulder.

"Ok," said Alberto.

 

As Lippi entered his office, Gila looked at his watch. It was five thirty, and Toni still hasn’t come out of the bathroom. He has an hour and a half to inform everyone. He better go and find them.

 

So, poor Alberto headed straight for his room to throw his towel and start the mission for Lippi.

 

But as he came near the room, he heard loud noises. Was it music?

Indeed it was. Gila neared the room. Who was listening to music in their room? Did Luca forget the stereo open… again? For it was his habit to listen to some music when he first wakes up. It never bothered Gila really, but he thought Luca was in the showers.

As he opened the door, Shakira's voice oxidized. It was the world cup song.

"What on earth?" Alberto said out loud as he entered.

Luca was having the time of his life it seemed. He was dancing his head and shaking his hair to the music like a maniac.

"Luca," Alberto called quietly but enough, he thought, for Luca to hear him. But Luca seemed not to hear anything.

"Luca!" Gila repeated, a little louder this time. No senses from Toni.

"LUCA," Gila shouted at last and went to face Toni.

Toni gave his famous wide smile and kept dancing, which irked Alberto slightly and he went and turned off the stereo to speak.

"Hey!" Toni exclaimed, totally annoyed. He was still slightly puffed-eyed.

"Lippi said we have a training session at 7 o'clock," Alberto said defensively.

"Ok," Luca said, still annoyed. "We'll be there. It's not yet 6,"

"We have to tell the others," Alberto said.

"Oooh," Luca said sighing and going for his towel. He took it and went out mumbling.

"I'll wait for you here," Gila shouted after him before he slammed the door. Alberto shook his head and sat on the bed. "Luca and his mood swings," he muttered.

 

After some time, Luca strutted in happy as ever. He probably had a good time singing in the bathroom. He never took long in there, definitely not long compared to the time spent in front of the mirror. Another half an hour wasted on his hair, but Gila waited patiently.

 

"Let's go," Toni said joyfully, throwing his hair brush on the bed.

Gila stood obediently and they both went out.

"We've got almost half an hour," Alberto informed.

"That’s ok, where could the others be," Luca said, finding the task easy as everything else in his life.

"Was there anyone in the baths?"

"Yes, there was someone in the corner bath,"

The corner bath, Gila thought. Who would spend one hour in the bath?

 

They almost reached the baths' corridor when they saw something that made them both halt.

Cannavaro came out of the bathrooms running as fast as he could, wit from head to feet and wearing nothing but a towel on his waist. Surprisingly, he headed straight for the exits.

"What the….?" Gila said.

"Hey, Fabio," Luca called, he and Alberto both running after him.

But Canna was out in seconds. The two followed him out and saw him running to the guards by the camp door. Is he going out of the camp?

Canna waved his hand angrily at the guards and one of them went quickly out of the camp. Gila and Toni reached them.

"What's going on?" Alberto asked Canna.

Cannavaro turned to them with a gorgeous…ahem…I mean angry frown.

"That crazy guy," he exclaimed.

"What guy?" Alberto asked.

"A nutter with a camera… took a picture of me in the bath,"

"What?" Gila said.

"How?" Luca said smiling.

"From the window," Fabio replied, waving a hand at the baths direction angrily.

"You should close the window, dude," Luca said with a chuckle, as Cannavaro went back to the building swearing and complaining about some journalists and their stupid newspapers and magazines.

"Hey, Fabio, we have a training session at 7, tell the others in the baths,"

"That must be embarrassing," Alberto said, not daring to imagine himself in Canna's place.

"I don’t see what the big deal is," Luca said, still smiling.

"I would be angry," Gila said.

"He never complained about the naked pictures they take of him," Luca replied, chuckling with Alberto. Gila gave him a weak, sheepish smile.

 

As they passed the steam bath, they heard voices there. They opened the door only to see a flash of Simone Barone and Andrea Barzaghli's completely naked body's as they sat on the benches before Gila quickly had the sense to shut the door close again. Neither he nor Luca spoke of it as they continued their way.

 

They decided to check if the others were in their rooms. Oddo's was the first they reached and a party received them.

'Sono Italiano' was playing loudly over the hairdryer's sound. Oddo, it appeared, was hairstyling Pirlo's hair. Camoranesi, who was cheering the event, hailed them as they entered.

"O, if it isn't Luca himself," he said.

"No one is touching my hair," Luca said with a warning finger.

Pirlo laughed at him from his chair. His hair was perfectly done in his favorite smooth style. Oddo was not allowed to do more. As for Toni's refusal, he had seen enough after Gila's haircut, who was too embarrassed to say that it was bad, and Luca vowed never to let Oddo come near him with scissors in his hands.

"Come on, Luca," Oddo said. "Am I that bad?"

"We have a training session at 7," Luca said, ignoring the question.

"7 am?" Mauro asked.

"No, pm," Oddo fleered.

"Where are the others?" Gila asked.

"In the canteen, I think," Pirlo answered.

"Come on, Oddo, you have to do my hair after Pirlo," Mauro said urgently as Luca and Gila left the room.

 

Time was running out now, it was almost 7. They passed the common room on their way to the canteen, where they saw Inzaghi and Gattuso playing chess there.

"Hey, Pippo, Genna," Gila said.

"Good morning," Inzaghi replied. Gattuso seemed to be immersed in the game and kept his head on the chessboard.

"Good morning, Pippo," Luca said giving Inzaghi a five.

"Lippi says we have a training session at 7," Gila informed them.

Pippo nodded. "Come on, Genna, we have a training session," he said, urging Gattuso to make his move.

"Shhhhh," said the poor concentrating Gennaro, for at this very moment Materazzi and Perrotta ran respectively into the room, laughing hysterically. They appeared to be playing seeking, as Matti was trying desperately to catch Perrotta.

"Come here," he kept saying as he followed him around the room.

"Shut up, you too," Gattuso shouted, giving them one of his terrifying gazes.

Perrotto and Matti were making rounds around the table where Pippo, who was smiling at them, and Genna sat. Perrotta took his lucky chances and jumped across the table, but as Matti followed his foot kicked the chess board, making it tumble and fall crashing and scattering on the ground.

That was it for Gattuso, he jumped up and went after the two as they headed for the common room's door.

"We have a training session at 7," Luca told the three as they ran out. He and Gila both left Pippo in the room, laughing and gathering the pieces of the chess game on the ground.

 

It was past 7 now. They saw Del Piero, Zambrotta and Buffon setting and chatting on the canteen table.

"Hey, guys," Luca and Gila said.

"Hey," the others replied.

"Since when are you here?" Gila asked.

"We came as soon as we woke up," Buffon said, meaning him and his teammate Alex. "And Zambrotta joined us minutes ago,"

"Matterazzi and Perrotta were here also," Alex said.

"We saw them running around the common room," Luca said.

"Are they still playing?" Zambrotta asked.

"Yes," Gila said.

"And Gennaro joined them now," Luca added.

"Gattuso?" Buffon asked, surprised.

"Yes," Gila said smiling.

"They annoyed him and he went after them," Luca explained.

Alex laughed out loud. "Gone with them then,"

"Anyway, we have a training session at 7," Luca told them.

Del Piero looked at his watch. "It's past 7!" he said, looking at Luca and Alberto with a slight shock.

"Yes," Gila agreed looking at his watch too.

"We were late looking for the others to tell them," Luca said.

Alex, Buffon and Zambrotta stood up to leave the table.

"Tell Matti and Perrotta before you come will you?" Luca said.

"Ok," Buffon replied.

And Luca and Gilardino went out again. As they reached the end of the corridor, they saw Totti entering the canteen. They decided that the others will tell him.

 

As they walked hurriedly in the empty rooms’ corridor, De Rossi came out of his room. He was swaying and rubbing his face.

"What's wrong, Daniele?" Gila asked.

De Rossi looked up slowly, squinting.

"Don't tell me you've just woken up," Luca said. "We have a training session now," he said, slightly shouting.

De Rossi's eyes widened at him.

"Yes," Luca said, nodding.

Daniele nodded. He muttered something about being late on the internet and continued his way to the baths, rubbing his eyes as he went.

Luca shook his head and the duet continued on.

 

 

"It's well past 7, we should go to the field," Alberto said as he checked his watch.

"Yes, let's go," Luca agreed.

They informed the doorman to tell all the others of the session before leaving to the pitch.

 

They arrived there panting and out of breath, expecting the place to be full of their friends, but all they saw were three figures playing with a ball at one side of the field. Lippi was clearly one of them. Coming closer, they saw that the other two were Grosso and Zaccardo.

"Where is Nesta?" Lippi was asking the other two.

"He was with us the poor guy," Christian spoke. "But he hurt his ankle falling on the stairs as we came… he's with the doctor now,"

"Hi, guys," Grosso said happily.

"Hi," Luca answered.

"Where are they?" Lippi asked Gila angrily.

"I don’t know," Gila said honestly and innocently. "We told them we have a training session,"

"Yes," Luca confirmed.

"I don’t see anybody," Lippi said, waving his hands and walking to his assistant to talk to him.

"Did Lippi tell you about the training session?" Luca asked Grosso in a low voice, confused.

"No," Fabio answered in an equally low and confused tone, only he probably was confused why Luca was whispering.

"Then how did you know?" Gila asked, he too confused.

"It was on the daily schedule on the notice board," Fabio said matter of factly. "Me, Christian and Nesta saw it first thing in the morning,"

Gila and Toni looked at each other and then away, too ashamed of their stupidity to speak.

 

 

Everyone, and I mean every single player –except Gila, Toni, Grosso, Zaccardo and Nesta- were setting around a table, chatting and laughing. Totti was setting on the table like a king, cracking up at his own jokes every now and then. He was only too happy to inform everyone that they don't have a training session everywhere he went, and to complete his list on the way.

He kept missing Luca and Gila though. Everywhere he went, he was told that they were just gone and that they didn’t know that they don't have a session today.

"Why did Lippi cancel the training session do you think?" Cannavaro asked Totti.

"I don’t know. I just asked and he said no. He seemed quite busy, so I didn’t ask him,"

And they continued their gathering, completely oblivious to their couch's wrath and what outcome awaited them.

All thanks to Francesco Totti's beautiful moronity.